I am in a vortex of obligation.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
