worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
