Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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