I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
