4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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