I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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