so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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