im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize