so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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