I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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