So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
