didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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