and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
