Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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