I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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