I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
