my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
