Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
