I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
