Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
