You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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