Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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