worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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