Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
