Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
