I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize