If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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