I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
