I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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