I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.