You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?