the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?