is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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