And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???