i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.