Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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