So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
