I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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