I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
