She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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