please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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