Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
