rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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