Soap is not a condiment
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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