Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
