upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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