Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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