my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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