so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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