Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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