there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
