I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
