I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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