end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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