my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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