I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
