My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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