You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
