How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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