I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
