You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
