shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
