Little spoons don't ask big questions
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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