Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
